Hold on Tight

Think Tank #36

Why do you hate when people disagree with you?

I’m not feigning superiority on this one; I do it, too.

If I hear an opinion that I think is ridiculous, I have a strong, physical reaction to the idea that I can’t change the person’s mind. That they’re just going to keep walking around with this stupid idea and it’s not going to change, and then they’re gonna tell other people about it and those other people are going to agree with them, and the whole world is going to get stupider and stupider and there’s nothing I can do about it.

I might even go so far as to say that the idea I don’t like is dangerous. A threat to my way of life—either the way it is or the way I think it should be.

It’s human nature, of course. Part of our ‘group programming.’ Whether we consider ourselves part of a group or not, we’re still wired to hold on tight to a belief once we decide upon it, because having a shared belief system is how groups function.

But why?

Well, let’s return to the idea of differing beliefs being dangerous.

Our belief systems are fragile. If we start messing with them, it might expose the thin foundations upon which all of them are formed. It’s the ‘slippery slope argument.’ If we let go of one idea, what’s to stop everything that we hold as true—all the cultural norms and taboos—from collapsing like a Jenga tower, if not at the first block that’s pulled, than after five or six or a hundred.

We can’t have that be. It doesn’t matter what we believe, as long as we agree upon something.

How do we reconcile this with a desire for truth?

Well, the only chance is to recognize the tendency in yourself and stop it, and also to accept it in other people. Allow them to be wrong sometimes, because you never know what you might be wrong about that very same second.

Modern culture puts us right at the center of this problem. We’re exposed to so many ideas. We can’t stay comfortably in our echo chambers like people could a century ago. Whether we like it or not, we are going to encounter beliefs that challenge our own.

No wonder people seek online echo chambers as respite. This feeling is uncomfortable. If you’re an optimistic person, you can view the strange angry modern world as an awkward adolescent period for the entire human race. We’re not used to such diversity of opinion. However, without it, we’d never be able to grow.

On an individual, the choice is between understanding and ignorance.

Stop taking it all so personally. Choose understanding.