Picking Stones Chapter 29
"That Was Fun"
Table of Contents
Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3 & 4; Chapter 5; Chapter 6 & 7; Chapter 8; Chapter 9; Chapter 10; Chapter 11; Chapter 12 & 13; Chapter 14, 15, & 16; Chapter 17 & 18; Chapter 19; Chapter 20; Chapter 21; Chapter 22; Chapter 23 & 24; Chapter 25 & 26; Chapter 27; Chapter 28; Chapter 29; Chapter 30; Chapter 31 (Final Chapter)
That Was Fun
Everything ended.
When we broke through the trees, we found ourselves back on the same path we had been on when we first started. The sky was gray and the trees were dead, but the world around us seemed to be full of life. The crying, screaming, and all the dread had gone away. I turned back to look at the opening between the trees, but I couldn’t even find it. We were shocked it had disappeared but were even more surprised by the sense of calm that surrounded us. It was as if nothing had ever happened.
“Where did you get bit?”
“Here.” She pulled up her right pant leg and showed off a little red mark. The pain had already disappeared, just like the pain from my hornet sting.
“Any guesses on what just happened?”
“Nope.”
My heart rate was normal. Any notion of fear had completely dissipated. Still, the card buzzed furiously in my pocket. I hugged her, grabbed her hand, and slowly began the long walk back to the car. I tried to make sense of what we had been through but decided to drop it. The meaning of some things may be better left undiscovered.
There wasn’t a rush to get back to the car. Somehow, I felt safe, even with the face of the man who stalked us on that boardwalk burning into the deepest part of my mind. I’d never be able to forget those black eyes. But I knew one thing for certain. Whatever that man was, it wasn’t Nim. Just a hunch, I guess.
By dinner the whole thing seemed like a dream, a distant memory. Maybe it would make for good TV or my first novel if I ever decided to write one. Ramona had summed up the experience best. If I had seen heaven last week, I needed to see hell, too. How else does one truly believe in the divine if they don’t experience both sides of the spectrum? The existence of evil proves the existence for… something, after all.
“If there’s one way to make sure you know there’s more to life than just black and white, it’s walking through a portal in the woods,” Ramona said.
We were sitting in a dark restaurant off Main Street. My fork pushed around cold fried fish that was soggy with grease. I noticed streaks of strain under her gray eyes, even with her pink lips showing a smile. I sent one back. Tension had grown thanks to the elephant in the room.
“What happens when we get back home?” I wasn’t sure who asked first.
“I want to be with you.”
“Me too.”
“You can work at the coffee shop, start writing. We could be so happy.” Her throat cracked. The words were true, but the hope was fleeting.
“I’d love that.”
“Would you?”
“Well, there’s a lot to think about. My parents, my apartment, my life back home.”
“Yeah.”
“Life is hard.”
“It really is.”
“So, what do we do?”
“I think for now we just sit here for a while.”
“Good idea, Will.”
When we got back to the hotel I wanted to shower and decompress for a little. I sent a text to my mom and set my phone on the dresser. My head was rushing with ideas. I turned the water on and waited for it to get warm. Ramona came in from behind and hugged me. I wanted to stay there forever.
Warm water ran through my hair as I closed my eyes and breathed. The question haunted me. Why did it have to be so real? Her parents were getting to Bar Harbor the next day. We were completely in over our heads. Could I just drop everything and start over? That meant leaving behind everything I ever knew for a girl I had only known for two weeks. People have done crazier things, I thought.
Of course I wanted to do it. And I knew in that moment I wanted it more than anything else in the world. It was like it had been meant to be. All of it. The reason I was even there in the first place was a fluke. It had to mean something. It had to.
I pictured me on my deathbed. How horrible would regret be when I finally made it there? I didn’t want to end up like that. “What do I do to prevent that from happening?” I whispered to myself.
“Jump.”
It hit me. Why not take a leap? There was a whole life to live. I could make mistakes and fail and get back up and do it all over again ten more times. I had time. I could put life into my own hands for once and do something I wanted to do. The way out was right in front of me. All I had to do was reach over, grab her by the hand, and take it.
What was back home waiting for me? Nothing. No kids, a job I hated. Why stay? This was the second chance God had given me. The opportunity had landed in my lap. It was mine, and I was finally going to be happy.
I was going to be with her.
My decision, as hard as it was to make, was made. It was time to start something new and exciting. Life is about finding happiness. Why should I stop myself from finding mine?
Beth came to mind again. The years we wasted together. We were never a fit, always wanting different things. But back then I lied about what I wanted. I wasn’t bitter toward her anymore. It made sense why she left me. She couldn’t keep letting me drag her down. Beth needed to find her own happiness and I needed the out. I owed her a lot, actually. If she hadn’t left, I wouldn’t have found Ramona. Beth opened the floodgates that led to this new chapter. For that I’ll always be grateful.
One thing needed to be done before Ramona and I could be happy. I needed to come clean about everything to her, I still hadn’t told her about the long-term relationship I had gotten out of. I’d start with that, then we could talk about the future.
It was the only way we would be happy.
Water shut, towel dried. I was ready to give myself to her, if she’d let me.
A surge of terror sprung from deep within me when I walked out of the bathroom. She sat there on the bed. Tears streaming down her face. My chest immediately felt as if it were going to explode. In her hands was my phone, the blue light from the screen reflecting a dead glow on her face, highlighting the tears.
It was a long text to me from Beth. The first she had sent since leaving me. Something along the lines of missing me and still loving me and how we shouldn’t let five years go wasted. “It’s only been a few weeks. We could pretend like it never even happened,” Beth typed. I couldn’t.
“I knew this was too good to be true,” Ramona said.
“It isn’t.”
“What else were you keeping from me?”
“Nothing, I’ve told you everything.”
“Everything except the five-year relationship you just got out of?”
“Ramona…”
“You need to leave. Right now.”
“Now?”
“My parents will be here in the morning and you, Will, will be gone.”
“What are you going to tell them?”
“Tell them? Nothing. Do you think I’m crazy? I haven’t told them anything about you, they’d think I was nuts coming up here with a complete stranger. Maybe I am nuts. This was a complete mistake. Oh my god, I feel like such an idiot.”
“But what about everything we said to each other. Everything we feel?”
“The only thing I feel right now is stupid. It’s just too much. I was in over my head. So were you. Get the hell out of here, Will.”
“But—.”
“But what? You don’t know me. I don’t know you. Are you even who you said you were?”
Who was I? Did I even know the answer to that?
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Picking Stones Chapter 30
Your dreams are your purpose. The things you want are the things you were put on this planet to achieve. They’re real. They’re waiting for you to bring them out into existence for the rest of us so we can all reap the benefits. That is your purpose.
It’s been a long time since I have read Dostoevsky, but I recall his deep dives into introspection. More recently, I don’t recall reading anything so psycho-mental based as this. It’s like a PsyOp novel. It seems Will’s inner world is more real than his perceptions.
Harking back to the black-eyed man, when I was a young art student in Holland, I had just missed the bus to get to my night class. I ran as fast as I could to catch up to the bus, and caught up to it a few blocks later at a light. I moved to the back of the bus, and an old man sitting opposite stared at me—his expression was ingrained and calmly evil. At the time I wondered if he might have been a Nazi SS officer. This was in 1978, the timing would have been right. Luckily, I felt totally indifferent to his stares, and had no fear. I felt a weird detached feeling like a scientist observing a germ. I have never forgotten that, and I’m instinctively certain he was the most evil man I’v seen up close.
This story of yours, recalls what it might have been like if I had not been so removed from negative karma.
Oh no. Isn’t life just like that sometimes. Crushing!