That's Messed Up

Think Tank #52

So, it’s Valentine’s Day. Everyone’s favorite ‘Hallmark holiday.’ As you read this, anxious boyfriends are running around frantically for last-minute roses, single women are securing their ten dollar bottles of red wine, and gluttons everywhere are publicly announcing their intentions of pillaging their nearest pharmacy come February 15th for discounted boxes of Russell Stover chocolates.

It’s all-out madness. Absolute insanity. The whole thing is completely made up. Why do we care?

Valentine’s Day is up there among the most questionable of holidays, primarily because, unlike most other holidays which have at least some type of religious or patriotic ‘lore,’ this one really seems to have come from nowhere.

The origins of Valentine’s Day are dubious. Some people say it originated as the feast of Saint Valentine, a Roman martyr who became known as the patron saint of love, people with epilepsy, and beekeepers.

However, there’s another theory about the holiday’s origins. If we lived in Rome approximately two thousand years ago, we would be preparing for the feast of Lupercalia.

Yes, Romans have always been a romantic bunch. Lupercalia was a festival of health, purification, and, of course, fertility. However, instead of exchanging chocolates and roses, they sacrificed goats, created whips out of their hides, and ran around the streets whipping people.

Allegedly, anyway. The details vary depending on the source.

However, if the reports are true, than this violence was actually desirable. Women would prance around the streets seeking these whips out, because being whipped allegedly promoted fertility. Talk about sado masochism.

Suddenly ‘Galentine’s Day’ doesn’t seem so crazy, does it?