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Dec 13, 2023Liked by Melissa Mistretta

Maybe because I’ve always been and have progressively enjoyed my individual thoughts, evaluations, and actions more so than others, it seems, as I’ve gotten older, I never feel the need to seek the tribes approval. Of course, when it comes to employment and other group settings, I’ve always managed because of an internal, I guess work type ethic on the job and off. In a nutshell, if you’re doing things for approval, make it yours, not someone or some groups. I hope this doesn’t make me sound aloof, but maybe I am. God is always present, so I(you) are really never alone.

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It makes a lot of sense that you seek approval more at work than in your personal life. I guess this speaks to the utility of group bonding—at a certain point, we can't exist on our own, and being able to function at work might be the best example of this.

There's nothing wrong with being aloof. You may be an outlier (and I might be, too), but the world needs both.

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Interestingly, oxytocin plays a role in this. Not only does it give you warmer feelings towards the in-group, it also simultaneously makes you more skeptical of the out-group. The closer your connections with loved ones become, the more wary you become of others—naturally and hormonally. This falls under the tribalism bucket, of course, but it is more than mere choice. It's survival wiring.

Also, I think people, to some extent, need pre-packaged ideologies. It takes a lot of time to think through the ramifications of every issue. Ideologies allow people to benefit from the accumulated knowledge of many.

That is not in any way to justify thoughtlessly taking on an ideology (or being excessively hostile to out-groups). It's more of just a partial explanation…

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I think you're right, and you put it well by saying ideologies "allow people to benefit from the accumulated knowledge of many." You're right—looking through every issue one by one is exhausting, and is often not the best use of one's time.

I think the question that I was really thinking of when writing this is why, when faced with something that they haven't thought through, it's so hard for people to simply say they don't know. (I'm not at all claiming to be above this, and that's the point—stopping yourself from immediately jumping to a conclusion is an incredibly hard thing to do and is a conscious choice every time.) Oxytocin and survival wiring seems to be an adequate answer.

I think this ties in with a human society's need for some type of leadership. It's probably also why war has been a constant throughout history—people can't help but organize themselves into camps and then duke it out when they don't agree.

Of course, this then brings up the question of who/what this authority should be, and how individuals can best interact with it, which (if any) set of values is the 'correct' one, and so on. And then these questions are fought over and argued over and oversimplified into ideologies...

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Goodness knows I have been guilty of jumping to conclusions and picking teams in the past!

—"people can't help but organize themselves into camps and then duke it out when they don't agree."

Yeah, this has to stop. I believe, as I have written elsewhere, that this is a pathologized manifestation of humans' ultra-social nature. We're social creatures, and that constantly translates into "we need group solutions" when then translates into "accept my way of doing things or I will force you to."

Once that stops, a lot of issues are solved right away. At that point, much less authority is "needed" and what we do have can be chosen rather than imposed.

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