Sinners

Some thoughts on prayer.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Catholicism lately. I think it’s because, in times of tumult, we revert back to our childhood. Memories start coming back to us, things we haven’t thought of in years. Old comforts, old demons. And earlier this month, I found myself standing next to a man on his deathbed. It was an upsetting sight. I didn’t really know how to process it, preferred not to process it at all. I just stood there, trying to keep my facial expression appropriately somber, and out of nowhere, my brain started spontaneously reciting the Hail Mary prayer. It seemed appropriate, for some reason. I have no special reverence for Catholic iconography. I’ve grown fond of the symbolism, but I doubt I’ll ever reach the point where I can believe that, by reciting a predetermined set of words, one can actually get in contact with the Virgin Mary. Still, my mind started reciting this prayer completely of its own accord, and for a single moment I was a child praying before bedtime, recalling the words from rote memorization without once stopping to consider what they actually meant. Then something changed. I considered the absurdity of my empty recitation. I stopped to think, and for the first time in my life, I actually comprehended the prayer's meaning.

Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with thee. 
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.